Augusten Burroughs Books In Order

Novels

  1. Sellevision (2000)

Collections

  1. You Better Not Cry (2009)

Non fiction

  1. Running with Scissors (2002)
  2. Dry (2003)
  3. Magical Thinking (2004)
  4. Possible Side Effects (2006)
  5. A Wolf at the Table (2008)
  6. Take Five (2011)
  7. This Is How (2012)
  8. Lust & Wonder (2016)
  9. Toil & Trouble (2019)

Novels Book Covers

Collections Book Covers

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Augusten Burroughs Books Overview

Sellevision

The hilarious first novel by the 1 bestselling author of Running with Scissors, Dry, A Wolf at the Table, and You Better Not Cry, Sellevision is Augusten Burrough’s darkly funny and vastly entertaining skewering of a very troubled home shopping channel. Welcome to the world of Sellevision, America’s premier retail broadcasting network. When Max Andrews, the much loved and handsome that is, lonely and gay host of a ‘Toys for Tots’ segment, accidentally exposes himself in front of millions of kids, Sellevision faces its first big scandal. As Max struggles to find a new job in television, the popular and perky host Peggy Jean Smythe is receiving sinister emails from a stalker. Popping pills and drinking heavily, she fails to notice that her husband is spending a lot of time with the young babysitter who lives next door. Then there’s Leigh, whose affair with married Sellevision boss Howard Toast is going nowhere until she announces their relationship on air. A blistering satire of our overcharged, scandal obsessed world, Sellevision is ‘an absolute howl…
wicked fun’ New York Daily News.

You Better Not Cry

A wonderfully twisted collection of true Christmas stories from the author of ‘Running with Scissors’. Of course you’ve eaten too much chocolate at Christmas…
but have you ever eaten the face off a six foot stuffed Santa? You’ve seen gingerbread houses…
but have you ever made your own gingerbread tenement? You’ve woken up with a hangover…
but have you ever woken up next to Kris Kringle himself? Augusten Burroughs has, and in this caustically funny, nostalgic, poignant, and moving collection, he recounts Christmases past and present as only he can. With gimlet eyed wit and illuminated prose, Augusten shows how the holidays bring out the worst in us and sometimes, just sometimes, the very, very best.

Running with Scissors

The 1 New York Times Bestseller An Entertainment Weekly Top Ten Book of the Year Now a Major Motion Picture Running with Scissors is the true story of a boy whose mother a poet with delusions of Anne Sexton gave him away to be raised by her unorthodox psychiatrist who bore a striking resemblance to Santa Claus. At the age of twelve, Burroughs found himself amidst Victorian squalor, living with the doctor’s bizarre family, and befriending a pedophile who resided in the backyard shed. The story of an outlaw childhood where rules were unheard of, and the Christmas tree stayed up all year-round, where Valium was consumed like candy, and if things got dull, an electroshock therapy machine could provide entertainment. The funny, harrowing, and bestselling account of an ordinary boy’s survival under the most extraordinary circumstances. Running with Scissors Acknowledgments
Gratitude doesn’t begin to describe it: Jennifer Enderlin, Christopher Schelling, John Murphy, Gregg Sullivan, Kim Cardascia, Michael Storrings, and everyone at St. Martin’s Press. Thank you: Lawrence David, Suzanne Finnamore, Robert Rodi, Bret Easton Ellis, Jon Pepoon, Lee Lodes, Jeff Soares, Kevin Weidenbacher, Lynda Pearson, Lona Walburn, Lori Greenburg, John DePretis, and Sheila Cobb. I would also like to express my appreciation to my mother and father for, no matter how inadvertently, giving me such a memorable childhood. Additionally, I would like to thank the real-life members of the family portrayed in this book for taking me into their home and accepting me as one of their own. I recognize that their memories of the events described in this book are different than my own. They are each fine, decent, and hard-working people. The book was not intended to hurt the family. Both my publisher and I regret any unintentional harm resulting from the publishing and marketing of Running with Scissors. Most of all, I would like to thank my brother for demonstrating, by example, the importance of being wholly unique.

Dry

From the New York Times Bestselling author of Running With Scissors comes the story of one man trying to out drink his memories, outlast his demons, and outrun his past. I was addicted to Bewitched as a kid. I worshipped Darren Stevens the First. When he d come home from work and Samantha would say, Darren, would you like me to fix you a drink? He d always rest his briefcase on the table below the mirror in the foyer, wipe his forehead with a monogrammed handkerchief and say, Better make it a double. from Chapter TwoYou may not know it, but you ve met Augusten Burroughs. You ve seen him on the street, in bars, on the subway, at restaurants: a twentysomething guy, nice suit, works in advertising. Regular. Ordinary. But when the ordinary person had two drinks, Augusten was circling the drain by having twelve; when the ordinary person went home at midnight, Augusten never went home at all. Loud, distracting ties, automated wake up calls and cologne on the tongue could only hide so much for so long. At the request well, it wasn t really a request of his employers, Augusten lands in rehab, where his dreams of group therapy with Robert Downey Jr. are immediately dashed by grim reality of fluorescent lighting and paper hospital slippers. But when Augusten is forced to examine himself, something actually starts to click and that’s when he finds himself in the worst trouble of all. Because when his thirty days are up, he has to return to his same drunken Manhattan life and live it sober. What follows is a memoir that s as moving as it is funny, as heartbreaking as it is true. Dry is the story of love, loss, and Starbucks as a Higher Power.

Magical Thinking

From the number one bestselling author of Running with Scissors and Dry comes Augusten Burroughs’s most eagerly anticipated collection yet: true stories that give voice to the thoughts that we all have but dare not mention. It begins with a Tang Instant Breakfast Drink television commercial:’Yes, you, Augusten. You were great. We want you.’ I can now trace my manic adult tendencies to this moment. It was the first time I felt deeply thrilled about something just a fraction of an instant after being completely crushed. I believe those three words ‘We want you’ were enough to cause my brain to rewire itself, and from then on, I would require more than other people…
. from Magical Thinking‘s ‘Commercial Break’A contest of wills with a deranged cleaning lady. The execution of a rodent carried out with military precision and utter horror. Telemarketing revenge. A different kind of ‘roof work.’ Dating an undertaker who shows up in a minivan. This is the fabric of Augusten Burroughs’s life: a collection of true stories that are universal in their appeal yet unabashedly intimate, stories that shine a flashlight into both dark and hilarious places. With Magical Thinking, Augusten Burroughs goes where other memoirists fear to tread.

Possible Side Effects

From the million copy bestselling author of Running with Scissors comes Augusten Burroughs’s most provocative collection yet. This audiobook is approved for consumption by those seeking pleasure, escape, amuseme*nt, enlightenment, or general distraction. This audiobook is not approved to treat disorders such as eBay addiction or incessant blind dating. In studies, some people reported inappropriate, convulsive laughter, a tingling sensation in the limbs, and sudden gasping. Fewer than 1 percent reported narcolepsy. Doll collectors may experience special sensitivity, as may discourteous drivers, candy company brand managers, and nicotine gum users. This audiobook has been shown to be especially helpful to those with parents, grandparents, life partners, and incontinent dogs. People with dry, cracked skin have responded well to this audiobook, as have people with certain heart conditions. Do not operate heavy machinery while listening to this book, until you know what effects it may have on you. This audiobook is contraindicated in those suffering from certain psychiatric disorders, including but not limited to listeners afflicted with anhedonia, which is the inability to experience pleasure. Ask your doctor about Possible Side Effects.

A Wolf at the Table

Nominated for the 2009 Audiobook of the Year

As a little boy, I had a dream that my father had taken me to the woods where there was a dead body. He buried it and told me I must never tell. It was the only thing we d ever done together as father and son, and I promised not to tell. But unlike most dreams, the memory of this one never left me. And sometimes I wasn t altogether sure about one thing: was it just a dream?

When Augusten Burroughs was small, his father was a shadowy presence in his life: a form on the stairs, a cough from the baseme*nt, a silent figure smoking a cigarette in the dark. As Augusten grew older, something sinister within his father began to unfurl. Something dark and secretive that could not be named.

Betrayal after shocking betrayal ensued, and Augusten’s childhood was over. The kind of father he wanted didn t exist for him. This father was distant, aloof, uninterested

And then the games began.

With A Wolf at the Table, Augusten Burroughs makes a quantum leap into untapped emotional terrain: the radical pendulum swing between love and hate, the unspeakably terrifying relationship between father and son. Told with scorching honesty and penetrating insight, it is a story for anyone who has ever longed for unconditional love from a parent. Though harrowing and brutal, A Wolf at the Table will ultimately leave you buoyed with the profound joy of simply being alive. It s a memoir of stunning psychological cruelty and the redemptive power of hope.

This Is How

From the 1 New York Times bestselling author of Running With Scissors comes a groundbreaking book that explores how to survive the ‘un survivable’ and will challenge your notion of self help books To say that Augusten Burroughs has lived an unusual life is an understatement. From having no formal education past third grade and being raised by his mother’s psychiatrist in the seventies to enjoying one of the most successful advertising careers of the eighties to experiencing a spectacular downfall and rehab stint in the nineties to having a number one bestselling writing career in the new millennium, Burroughs has faced humiliation, transformation and everything in between. This Is How is his no holds barred book of advice on topics as varied as: How to feel like crap How to ride an elevator How to be thin How to be fat How to find love How to feel sorry for yourself How to get the job How to end your life How to remain unhealed How to finish your drink How to regret as little as possible And much moreTold with Burroughs’s unique voice, black humor, and in your face advice, This Is How is Running With Scissors with recipes.

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