Kinky Friedman Books In Order

Kinky Friedman Books In Publication Order

  1. Greenwich Killing Time (1986)
  2. A Case of Lone Star (1987)
  3. When the Cat’s Away (1988)
  4. Frequent Flyer (1989)
  5. Musical Chairs (1991)
  6. Elvis, Jesus and Coca Cola (1993)
  7. Armadillos & Old Lace (1994)
  8. God Bless John Wayne (1995)
  9. The Love Song of J. Edgar Hoover (1996)
  10. Roadkill (1998)
  11. Blast from the Past (1998)
  12. Spanking Watson (1999)
  13. The Mile High Club (2000)
  14. Steppin’ on a Rainbow (2001)
  15. Meanwhile Back at the Ranch (2002)
  16. Kill Two Birds & Get Stoned (2003)
  17. The Prisoner of Vandam Street (2004)
  18. The Christmas Pig (2006)

Standalone Novels In Publication Order

  1. Curse of the Missing Puppet Head (2001)
  2. Ten Little New Yorkers (2005)

Non-Fiction Books In Publication Order

  1. Kinky Friedman’s Guide to Texas Etiquette (2001)
  2. ‘Scuse Me While I Whip This Out (2004)
  3. Texas Hold ‘Em (2005)
  4. Cowboy Logic (2006)
  5. You Can Lead a Politician to Water, But You Can’t Make Him Think (2007)
  6. What Would Kinky Do? (2008)
  7. Heroes of a Texas Childhood (2009)
  8. Kinky’s Celebrity Pet Files (2009)
  9. Drinker With a Writing Problem (2011)

Kinky Friedman Book Covers

Standalone Novels Book Covers

Non-Fiction Book Covers

Kinky Friedman Books Overview

Greenwich Killing Time

With a new introduction by the author, Greenwich Killing Time is now available for the first time in more than a decade. This is the first of Kinky Friedman’s mystery novels. To quote the author: ‘Greenwich Killing Time was the first book I ever wrote. I wrote it in 1984 and it was published in 1986. I was doing a lot of Peruvian marching powder at the time so I don’t remember too much about writing it, but I do recall a couple of things. I borrowed the title from my friend Ted Mann. I borrowed the typewriter, an old Smith Corona, from my friend, the future Village Irregular, Mike McGovern. Mike graciously loaned me the typewriter claiming he’d missed many important deadlines with the instrument. It had, I later learned, once belonged to his mother before she’d been bugled to Jesus years earlier. I took this as a sign of the Lord’s hand at work in the world. It could’ve been, of course, just another case of a Jew borrowing a typewriter. Though most of the books have been set in New York with the exception of Armadillos and Old Lace, set in Texas, and the soon to be published Steppin’ On A Rainbow, set in Hawaii, Greenwich Killing Time is the only one that was written in New York. Some critics have remarked, not unkindly, we hope, that the book smells like New York. If this is true it is no doubt because of the truly visceral voyage one goes through in writing a first novel. It’s almost as if your first novel writes you…

A Case of Lone Star

The second of the mysteries featuring the foul mouthed Kinky Friedman, ace private eye. It is Thanksgiving at the legendary Lone Star Cafe, a raucus little corner of Texas right in the middle of Manhattan. Larry Barkins is found dead in his dressing room, his head bashed in with his own guitar.

When the Cat’s Away

Originally appearing in ‘The Kinky Friedman Crime Club’, now published as a single volume, this is the third Kinky Friedman mystery. A purloined feline from Madison Square Gardens’ cat show is a tip off to a trail of murders, drug rings and gang wars that only Kinky Friedman can follow.

Musical Chairs

A story featuring the foul mouthed Kinky Friedman, ace private eye, which first appeared in ‘More Kinky Friedman’. Someone is killing the Texas Jewboys, a guerrilla country music band, and Kinky stalks the killer, armed only with attitude and a cigar.

Elvis, Jesus and Coca Cola

An ex girlfriend vanishes, a documentary in progress disappears, the screenwriter working on it overdoses, and Kinky Friedman is on the case, in an irreverent, unpredictable new mystery by the writer musician.Tour.

Armadillos & Old Lace

The popular author of Elvis, Jesus, and Coca Cola returns with a saucy, irreverent murder mystery. When Kinky arrives at his parents’ dude ranch, he discovers little old ladies in the area are dying at an alarming rate. A faded photograph of ten girls dressed in white is just the clue Kinky needs to unravel the mystery.

God Bless John Wayne

Ace detective Kinky Friedman’s is asked is to track down the birth parents of his freeloader friend Ratso, but when Ratso turns up dead, Kinky follows a trail of clues from downtown Manhattan to a Hudson River estate, where a medicine chest reveals the tragic truth. NYT. PW.

The Love Song of J. Edgar Hoover

‘DEAR KINKY: I HAVE NOW READ ALL YOUR BOOKS. MORE PLEASE. I REALLY NEED THE LAUGHS.’ Bill ClintonA beautiful woman, a missing husband, and a private eye with eyes for his comely client. It’s the classic hardboiled mystery setup. But in the grip of Kinky Friedman, expect one of the wildest, wackiest, and weirdest rides of your life!’A novel to be read for the sheer joy of it.’ The Baltimore Sun

Roadkill

Who would slap an Indian curse on a good ol’ boy like country singer Willie Nelson? Probably the same person who’s been firing shots into Willie’s hotel room and sending nasty notes promising the cowboy crooner a one way ticket to the big rodeo in the sky. Could it have something to do with the medicine man who got run over by Willie’s tour bus one dark night? If anyone can find out, it’s ace troubleshooter and well known troublemaker Kinky Friedman on the road again in his tenth wickedly funny, off the wall mystery caper. Get Kinky on the Web: www. kinkyfriedman. com

Blast from the Past

Now, at last, it can be revealed! The TRUTH behind the legend! That Kinky Friedman…
Where did he come from? How did he get that way? Shouldn’t someone have called 911 long ago? Now, in Blast from the Past, nationally bestselling author Kinky Friedman has searched his failing memory and has come up with a novel about his early days in New York City and how Kinky Friedman, the down and out star crossed country music performer, became Kinky Friedman, the down and out star crossed ace detective. In this prequel to his earlier novels, one which gives new meaning to the term ‘retro,’ Kinkster fans are given the definitive answer to two of literature’s great burning questions: Where the hell did those weird characters come from anyway? And what about that puppet head? Of course, it’s not just Kinky himself who gets retroed, but all the Village Irregulars as well Ratso, Rambam, and McGovern who are glimpsed in the nascent stage, as is the ever luscious Stephanie DuPont, who blasts upon the scene as a five year old nymphet in patent leather spikes. Imagine it’s the ’70s. Imagine the Lone Star Cafe is still alive and well. Imagine that it’s still okay to do drugs, still okay to have unprotected sex, still okay to paddle a brat and spank a monkey. And imagine you are there, in the ’70s, at the Lone Star, sipping a brew with the Kinkster, a much younger, even kinkier Kinky uncouth, unshaped, unrepentant, and frequently unconscious. But lest you think that Blast from the Past is all nostalgia, be assured that Kinky has supplied a bang up plot as well, much of which revolves around the mystery of who this guy Tim is who Judy exclaims about while being hosed by Kinky, and the question of whether or not the Feds have found Abbie Hoffman, who has been playing hide and seek in Ratso’s apartment. Or something like that. As always, it’s great, unpredictable fun from a true original, whose ‘Irreverent, bawdy and often outrageous adventures are like no others,’ as says The San Diego Union Tribune. In Blast from the Past, you’ll find the Kinkster in top form and at his most outrageous.

Spanking Watson

Just as every dog must have its day, so must every Sherlock have his Watson even if the Sherlock in question resides in a downtown loft with an ill tempered cat, a perpetually smiling puppet head, and ceiling badly in need of repair, all thanks in no small part to the often less than light on its feet lesbian dance class held daily in the loft above. And just as misery loves company, so does Kinky Friedman, the erstwhile Sherlock in question, love his tormentors from above enough so that when someone sends a threatening missive to the head lesbian dance person, Winnie Katz, Kinky, in a mood of forgive and forget, sets out to find the perpetrator and to save the day. Of course, just as nothing is ever as it seems, so is Kinky ‘Ace Private Big Dick’ Friedman, not quite so altruistic as he may appear for, in fact, it was the Kinkster himself who wrote the threatening note to Ms. Katz, and then called upon each of his ubiquitous Village Irregulars the mighty Mike McGovern, the mercurial Ratso Sloman, the marvelous Stephanie Dupont, and the masterful Steve Rambam to solve the mystery, and in the process give Kinky a first rate opportunity to evaluate the effectiveness of each of his would be Watsons. But just as it’s not where you start but where you finish, so does Kinky soon find himself caught up in a conundrum of Sherlockian proportions when the bogus death threat turns suddenly, chillingly real and an actual killer steps forward to carry out Kinky’s impotent threat. And just as all things must end, so must this flap copy.

The Mile High Club

The Mile High Club is a novel of intrigue, irreverence, international terrorism, humor, suspense, and cross dressing, in which the intrepid Kinky Friedman gets more than his leg pulled when he encounters a mysterious vamp on an airplane. It all starts with a casual flirtation, two people on a flight from Dallas to New York. She is gorgeous and mysterious; he is a private detective. When the plane lands, the detective our hero Kinky Friedman finds that he’s been left holding the bag, in this case literally holding a bright pink cosmetic bag. The mysterious woman, having asked the Kinkster to watch her luggage while she visits the dumpster, has taken a powder and somehow has vanished. Confident that he’ll find the mystery woman again, Kinky holds on to the bag. Sure enough she does turn up, but not before Kinky has excited the interest of an array of ‘suits’ from the State Department, been party to a thwarted kidnap attempt by Arab terrorists, and found a dead Israeli agent parked on the toilet of his downtown Manhattan loft. Employing the able bodied assistance of his usual sidekicks, the Village Irregulars, Kinky eventually gets to the bottom of all the comings and goings and comings of the many visitors to his loft including two late night visits by the mysterious, and suddenly affectionate, woman from the plane and one not so late visit by her angry brother. Before it’s over, the bag is gone. Despite the many comparisons made by the critics, citing his resemblance to one great writer after another, the truth is that no other writer combines intriguing mystery with bawdy one liners quite like Kinky Friedman. Alternately raunchy, offbeat, and hilarious, The Mile High Club, complete with a surprise ending, is Kinky at his very considerable best.

Steppin’ on a Rainbow

Sly, devious, inventive, and more than a little irritating, the Bard of Vandam Street returns in ‘Steppin’ on a Rainbow,’ a new adventure full of sound, fury, and a hula girl or two. Alone in the world meaning: anyone who will speak to him is out of town Kinky Friedman ponders the imponderables of life and discusses the state of the world with his cat. The cat, of course, says nothing. Kinky’s reverie and constant state of morbid self absorption is interrupted by a call from an old friend in Hawaii, Will Hoover, a journalist on a Honolulu newspaper. Hoover has called with a problem: Mike McGovern, one of Kinky’s sidekicks and a stalwart Village Irregular, visiting Hawaii to work on a book, has disappeared while strolling on the beach. Knowing McGovern’s penchant for taking the occasional side trip, Kinky is not overly concerned. As the days turn into yet more days, however, consternation grows to the point where Stephanie Dupont called home from a Caribbean lull to bury her sixteen year old pesky Maltese dog urges Kinky to fly to Hawaii to look into McGovern’s disappearance and even offers to join him in the search. Additional support comes from P. I. Steve Rambam, who wings in from Israel to join in the hunt, as well as Kinky’s pal John McCall, the Shampoo King from Dripping Springs. Texas, that is. Once in Hawaii, Kinky, Stephanie, Rambam, Hoover, and McCall set off on a perilous adventure involving ancient myths, sacrificial cults, totems, taboos, and the occasional lei. ‘Steppin’ on a Rainbow‘ is Kinky Friedman doing what only Kinky Friedman can do and, as always, it’s outrageous, unsettling, and very, very moving, all at once.

Meanwhile Back at the Ranch

It’s a case of missing kid and missing kitty when Kinky Friedman, private dick extraordinaire and animal lover nonpareil, attempts to find a young, autistic New York boy and a three legged Texas cat named Lucky, both of whom have disappeared. Something is rotten in both the states of New York and Texas, and Kinky takes it upon himself to locate not one, but two of God’s creatures who have gone astray. Dylan Weinberg is an eleven year old boy with a rare form of autism a pint sized stock market wizard who can only utter one word, ‘Shnay.’ He’s on a multitude of medications, and one night his father wakes up to find Dylan perched over his bed like some preteen zombie, clutching a pair of scissors and cutting up the sheets. Since that evening, two weeks ago, Dylan has been missing, and the cops have no leads and apparently not much interest. That’s why, in an absolute last resort maneuver, the family has called in Kinky to the rescue. And speaking of rescue, Kinky’s second missing person make that missing pus*sy case comes courtesy of his Cousin Nancy no relationship, who, along with Kinky, helped found the Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch in Utopia, Texas. Lucky, the three legged cat and unofficial mascot of the ranch is gone, the victim of an apparent kittynapping. Cousin Nancy is convinced the feline is either in the hands of some nasty, contentious neighbors or is being sacrificed by a satanic cult. No matter what, she wants Kinky to find Lucky before he becomes coyote chow. It’s an uneven dilemma for Kinky stay in town and concentrate on finding a sick, missing child and concentrate, too, on Julia, said child’s beautiful, long legged sister, or hotfoot off to Texas, to help calm down the frantic Cousin Nancy who’s this close to proclaiming Lucky’s been abducted by aliens. Kinky puts his trust in his faithful companion, Village Irregular Steve Rambam, to help find the little boy while Kinky hightails it to Utopia, Texas, where Nancy provides him with two witnesses to the alleged crime a dim sighted eighty year old lady named Josephine and a frisky canine named Mr. Magoo. Back in New York, Rambam has no clue where Dylan might be, but he is becoming increasingly sure that Julia is the Jewish answer to his romantic prayers. Kinky warns him to put the wedding plans on hold and track down Hattie Mamajello, Dylan’s former nanny, but it’s too little too late when Hattie is pushed off a subway platform and killed. The confusion generated by these two disparate cases is enough to drive a dick to drink which Kinky is happy to do but he’s still got a missing kid and a missing kitty on his cigar stained hands to locate before a Rambam whisks Julia off to Vegas for a quickie wedding and b Cousin Nancy calls in the FBI, the CIA, and the Mossad to find her Lucky. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, aided and abetted by a few four legged friends, the mystery of the purloined kitty continues to grow. Then it’s back to the wilds of midtown Manhattan and the even wilder wilds of Sche nectady, New York, where, in their search for the missing boy, Kinky and his two legged cohort find themselves at an orphanage Dickens would be proud of. True to Kinky’s form, and informed with truth, Meanwhile Back at the Ranch is a wild and woolly and furry ride from a true original, and entertainment at its most outrageous.

Kill Two Birds & Get Stoned

Walter Snow is doomed. Living on a string of Camel cigarettes, too many cups of coffee, and bouts of masturbation in his Greenwich Village baseme*nt apartment, the writer and recovering alcoholic has been blocked. He stares at the blank pages in his typewriter for longer than he cares to admit, hoping for the spark that will finally fulfill his ambition to write The Great Armenian Novel. And then he meets Clyde Potts. She is beautiful, intelligent, charming, perhaps psychic and, for better or worse, very possibly unbalanced. With Potts’s joie de vivre and her certified insane partner in crime, Fox Harris, Snow is caught up in a series of pranks against corporate sprawl that they execute with a bit of booze, and some wacky tobaccy from Australia known as Malabimbi Madness. But things quickly spin out of control as the trio’s ultimate diuretically inspired prank leads to an unexpected, shocking conclusion, and Walter is left to wonder if the only things you ever keep in this life are the things you let slip through your fingers.A tale of the nature of sanity, the cost of inspiration, and the art and business of creativity, Kill Two Birds & Get Stoned has the absurd and provocative hijinks that could have only come from the fertile, frenzied mind of veteran soul Kinky Friedman.

The Prisoner of Vandam Street

Alfred Hitchcock’s classic film Rear Window gets an affectionate kick in the butt in this homage from master crime writer, philosopher, and equal opportunity offender Kinky Friedman. It’s a case of malaria versus murder when private dick extraordinaire Kinky Friedman comes down with a tropical disease, in the jungle known as New York City, and is confined to his loft on Vandam Street in lower Manhattan, a prisoner in his own home with only his cat and black puppet head as company neither of whom are great conversationalists. With little to do but stare out the window in between bedridden bouts of fever and hallucinations, Kinky calls on assistance from the stalwart Village Irregulars, who proceed to dish out their own uniquely skewed brand of tea and sympathy, turning the loft into a virtual Mardi Gras of confusion and drunken debauchery. Suffering almost as much from company overload as from his fever, Kinky welcomes a rare moment of calm as he finds himself once again alone in his loft. Resuming his position at the kitchen window, he spots a pretty young woman in an apartment across the street. What he hopes might be titillating turns terrifying, however, as a man joins the woman and proceeds to attack her. Sure that he’s witnessed a crime, Kinky calls in the cops, but, upon investigating his claim, they can find neither a victim nor an apartment across the street. In addition, no one else saw or heard anything that would ndicate a crime had taken place. Was it foul play or merely a fevered dream? Convinced that their friend is about to slip off into the land of eternal slumber, the Village Irregulars increase their vigilance and in the process raise the Kinkster’s irritability level to an all time high. Not to be deterred, however, Kinky sticks to his story and is rewarded when a few days later he sees the man in the apartment again, but this time with a gun. Outrageous, audacious, and ingeniously crafted, The Prisoner of Vandam Street is vintage Kinky: irreverent, clever, and full of the hardened philosophy and mordant wit that has earned him a vast and devoted readership. But what more would you expect from the writer The New York Times has called ‘The world’s funniest, bawdiest, and most politically incorrect country music singer turned mystery writer’?

The Christmas Pig

It’s a Christmas tale only a man called Kinky could tell.

King Jonjo Mayo the First is in a bind. Every Christmas, he commissions an artist to paint a traditional nativity scene to be dramatically revealed after midnight mass. This year, though, the date is mere weeks away, and he still has not yet found his painter. The king decides to take a chance on a peculiar, mute boy whose artistic genius and clairvoyance are rumored throughout the kingdom. He sends three valiant, if begrudging, knights to seek out the boy in the remote countryside. Finally, they find Benjamin — and he is, indeed, peculiar. Nobody knows if the child is up to the task, but the king’s Christmas tradition — and Benjamin himself — might just be saved by a Christmas miracle that comes in the form of a very special pig — who is rather peculiar herself.

Curse of the Missing Puppet Head

Curse of the Missing Puppethead is a murder, crime solving, mystery writing, romantic encounters, friendship and a unique philosophy of life bundled into a wildly entertaining novel by an original and unique talent. At the most outrageously inopportune moment, the little Negro puppethead Kinky Friedman’s keyholder, talisman and surrogate Pinocchio like son goes missing, and the Curse of the Missing Puppethead takes effect. In a desperate effort to find the missing puppethead, Kinky mounts his most intense and entertaining investigation ever. Anyone and everyone is a suspect in Yorick’s disappearance, even the Village Irregulars. When Lexie, a beautiful and exotic escapee from Winnie Katz’s Lesbian Dance Class, enters Kinky’s life, the curse takes a dramatic and hilarious turn for the worse. Kinky discovers that until he find his big puppethead, his little puppethead will also be missing in action. As Kinky’s personal and professional lives begin to spiral downward, he leaves no rock unturned and no clue unpursued in a furious effort to recover the puppethead. Just when it appears that he may have found the first real clue to Yorick’s whereabouts the Curse of the Missing Puppethead shifts into high gear, and Kinky’s college friend, Nick ‘Chinga’ Chavin, is falsely charged with the hit and run murder of a child. And not just any child, but the young son of Big Jim Cravotta, the Butcher of Staten Island. While Chinga hides from his pursuers by putting down roots in Kinky’s loft, Kinky, aided by Rambam, Ratso, McGovern and the extraordinary characters that make up the Village Irregulars, races to find the real killer before Big Jim finds Chinga. Vandam Press is proud to be able to make this remarkable novel available to Kinky’s old friends and to those readers who are discovering Kinky Friedman for the first time.’Puppethead is a tour de force. This time, like never before, the irreverent Friedman tap dances on the sun.’ John Kelso, Austin American Statesman’Puppethead goes to the head of the class’. Bill Hageman, Chicago Tribune’The Kinkster’s best yet. No strings attached.’ Will Hoover, Honolulu Advertiser’A true Texas legend.’President George W. Bush’Dear Kinky, I have now read all of your books. More, please. I really need the laughs.’ former President Bill Clinton’A surefire cure for the blues.’ New York TimesFrom the Publisher’s Introduction:The book that you are about to read has been in the Vandam Press vaults for a number of years. It was written, on a dare, at a time when, according to the author, he was between cases and between contracts . Friedman wrote the entire manuscript in an amazing two week period of intense, feverish activity at the New Otani Hotel in Honolulu, Hawaii, during which he lost ten pounds, surviving almost exclusively upon Cuban cigars and Kona coffee. A local doctor was on call, but his services were only required once when Kinky reported feeling light headed and experiencing blurred vision. Even without considering the time and circumstances in which this novel was written, it is an amazingly entertaining and elevating work, combining crime solving, romantic encounters, true friendship and an unique philosophy of life into a wildly entertaining novel by an original and exceptional talent.

Ten Little New Yorkers

Kinky Friedman has always proven himself to be a master of the offbeat and irreverent, and still manages to pull off a helluva whodunit in the process. Now the Kinkster may have met his match in this superbly crafted, fiendishly clever tale of a murderer who’s methodically killing off unsuspecting Manhattan men. Gallingly, all clues point toward Kinky. Greenwich Village is the setting for Ten Little New Yorkers, a tale of murder and mayhem as only Friedman can warble it and featuring his usual suspects, including Ratso Dr. Watson to Kinky’s singular Sherlock Holmes. As the clues and bodies pile up and the cops strong arm Kinky as their man, he has to jump through hoops to find the real killer, all the while maintaining his outrage and, of course, his innocence. The murderer may be someone close to Kinky, which leads to a shocker of an ending that will surely take Kinky devotees completely by surprise. With a wink and a nod to Dame Agatha as in Christie, after which all resemblance to those classic mysteries fades, this is one of Friedman’s most complex and irresistible page turners yet. Cunningly tentous issues of life, death, guilt, innocence, love, loss, and the danger of false confessions, this is Kinky Friedman at his wily, suspenseful, and sacrilegious best.

Kinky Friedman’s Guide to Texas Etiquette

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! Kinky Friedman is back and at his outrageous best in this hilarious guide to the Lone Star State. With George W. Bush in the White House, Americans are taking a second look at the state made famous by the Alamo, the armadillo, Willie Nelson, and, well, Kinky Friedman. As the oldest living Jew in Texas who doesn’t own any real estate, Kinky considers it his duty to educate Texans and non Texans alike about the customs and habits of his native state. You’ll never look at Texas the same way again after you encounter the real life characters in Kinky Friedman’s Guide to Texas Etiquette from hometown heroes and outlaws to rich Texas oilmen and country stars, Kinky provides an insider’s view of his state’s customs, history, and values. Kinky Friedman’s Guide to Texas Etiquette is composed of provocative essays and profiles, from ‘Shoshone The Magic Pony’ to ‘Willie Nelson: The Back Of The Bus.’ Take Kinky’s quiz and find out: ‘Redneck, Good Old Boy, Or Oilman: What Kind Of Texan Are You?’ Read this book and you will learn how to spot a Texan abroad, which famous Texans are not from Texas, how Texas got its Lone Star, and the history of Texans’ favorite drink, Dr Pepper. Filled with hair raising quotes from Texas politicians, Ace Reid cartoons, strange Texas laws, and final meal requests by Texas death row inmates, this good spirited book will be loved by both native Texans and the rest of us poor devils.

‘Scuse Me While I Whip This Out

Kinky Friedman is back, and with ‘Scuse Me While I Whip This Out he gets it on with all manner of egos. In this collection of twisted takes on life, the Kinkster gives us funny, irreverent, and insightful looks at outsized personalities from people he’s known, like Bill Clinton, George W., Willie Nelson, and Bob Dylan not to mention Joseph Heller and Don Imus to people he’s known in spirit, such as Moses, Jesus, Jack Ruby, and Hank Williams. With his meditations on subjects ranging from sleeping at the White House, marriage, his pets, fishing in Borneo, country music, and cigars to the tribulations of possessing talent, Kinky doesn’t deny us the ‘flashes of brilliance and laugh out loud observations’ Rocky Mountain News that are present in all his other work. Hilarious, irreverent, and passionately twisted, ‘Scuse Me While I Whip This Out reads as if it were written by a slightly ill modern day Mark Twain.

Texas Hold ‘Em

Texas Hold Em is more than just a card game. It deals with that fine, forgotten art of playing a poor hand well Texas Hold Em is a state of mind, a spiritual survival technique, a way of holding on to things that might just be important in this ever changing world.’ from the introduction to Texas Hold Em

The irrepressible, future Governor of Texas is back with a crusade to stop the wussification of the Lone Star State. He never thought he’d see the day when he’d miss gun racks in the back windows of pickup trucks, but he almost does. He misses the days when cowboy shirts never had buttons and coffee with a friend was still a dime. Many of the stubborn, dusty, weather beaten little towns, roads, trucks, jeeps, people and animals are gone now. Like it or not, the peaceful, scenic bucolic Hill Country of his childhood is being dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st Century.

His is at his outrageous best as he gives Americans a look at the state made famous by the Alamo, the armadillo, Willie Nelson, and, well, Kinky Friedman. Texas Hold Em is composed of provocative essays, including autobiographical pieces that are at times bittersweet and at other hilarious, profiles of such stellar Texans as his friend, Willie Nelson, as you’ve never seen him before, George W. Bush, and Racehorse Haynes, and a treasure trove of lists, quizzes , including:

If the Ten Commandments Were Written by a Texan

Tex My ride

Texas Firsts

What Kind of Texas Driver Are you?

As an added diversion, the book is decorated with cartoons by the brilliant John Callahan, particularly appealing to those whose lives are spiraling downward into tailspins of despair.

Texas Hold ‘Em is the way in which the Kinkster plays the game of life. To him, Texas Hold’ Em means holding on to what is dear to him, to the things that made him who he is, always remembering that the most important things in life aren’t things. An old cowboy philosophy of life sums it up ‘hang on tight, spur hard, and let ‘er buck.’

Cowboy Logic

Kinky Friedman is known for many things. He’s the irrepressible future Governor of Texas. He is the oldest Jew in Texas who doesn t own real estate. And he is notorious for his outrageous one liners. Cowboy Logic is a distillation of the very best. Complimenting Kinky s timeless maxims are illustrations by the brilliant Ace Reid. Kinky s Little Red Book is a compilation of his hilarious, insightful, and raunchy one liners. Organized into sections including: Cowboy Logic; Things You Would Never Hear a Real Texan Say; Blessings, Curses, & Other Observations on the Condition of Our Condition; All Politics is Yokel; Kinky on Kinky; The Continuing Adventures of God & Man; Treasures & Pleasures; Advice to People Who Are Happier Than I am; The Great State of Texas; Love, Marriage & Other Hopeless Causes; Writing for Fun & Prophet; and Animal Crackers. Some of Kinky s bon mots include: There s a fine line between fiction and non fiction and I believe I snorted it in 1976. When the horse dies get off. Always respect your superiors, if you have any. Where there s a will, there s a lawyer. A happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life. Trust me. I m a Jew. I ll hire good people. Happiness is a moving target. As the old cowboy philosophy of life sums it up Hang on tight, spur hard, and let er buck.

You Can Lead a Politician to Water, But You Can’t Make Him Think

And Kinky Said Unto the People: Why the Hell Not?

So the good people of Texas weren’t able to get the Kinkster into the Governor’s Mansion in 2006. It was a solid race, and he fought the good fight. Getting on the ballot as an independent a feat that had not been achieved in over a century was a victory in itself. And with ideas like ‘slots for tots’ legalized gambling to pay for education, the five Mexican generals plan bribes to enforce border protection, and a firm stand against the ‘wussification’ of the state, he would have done a helluva job.

If that 2006 election was any indication and it was the political landscape in both Texas and the country at large needs a significant overhaul. The hucksters, the wealthy, and the twofaced rule; there is no room for Truth, and the little guys are quickly forgotten in all the muck. But Kinky, briefly down yet certainly not out, is still looking out for his fellow Americans, and he has much wisdom to impart.

In this hilarious, thought provoking manifesto, Kinky lays forth his ten commandments for improving the state of Texas and politics everywhere, and for restoring order, logic, decency, and above all a sense of humor back to this country. It’s classic Kinky in a brand new way. And he might just have a point.

What Would Kinky Do?

Kinky Friedman, who would be our contemporary Will Rogers if Will Rogers had been Jewish, smoked cigars, and foolish enough to believe he could govern the great state of Texas, returns with this collection of hilariously raunchy, sometimes poignant, and always insightful essays. With fearless wit and wisdom born from many a late night’s experience, Kinky offers both pearls and cowpats that touch on life, death, and everything in between.

Considering the current predicament of our nation and the world at large, the question is, What Would Kinky Do?? His answers invoke Willie Nelson, Bob Dylan, Judy Garland, George Bush, and other cultural touchstones; reflect on Texas etiquette, smoking in bars, mullet haircuts, immigration policy, and how Don Imus died for our sins; and advise on how to handle a nonstop talker on a long flight, how to deliver the perfect air kiss, and what to do when a redneck hollers Hey y all, watch this!

Whether he s the new Mark Twain Southern Living, in a class with Oscar Wilde, Mark Twain, Will Rogers, and, yes, Henny Youngman The New York Post, a Texas legend President George W. Bush, or the Mother Teresa of literature Willie Nelson, Kinky Friedman is an outrageously funny and uncommonly smart observer of our common predicament: life and what to do about it.

A little friendly advice from Texas for Dummies

Get you some brontosaurus foreskin boots and a big ol cowboy hat. Always remember, only two kinds of people can get away with wearing their hats indoors: cowboys and Jews. Try to be one of them.

Get your hair fixed right. If you re male, cut it into a mullet short on the sides and top, long in the back think Billy Ray Cyrus. If you re female, make it as big as possible, with lots of teasing and hair spray. If you can hide a buck knife in there, you re ready.

Buy you a big ol pickup truck or a Cadillac. I myself drive a Yom Kippur Clipper. That s a Jewish Cadillac stops on a dime and picks it up.

Don t be surprised to find small plastic bags of giant dill pickles in local convenience stores.

Everything goes better with picante sauce. No exceptions.

Don t tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.

Heroes of a Texas Childhood

Literary essays by Kinky Friedman about his childhood heroes, including Barbara Jordan, Willie Nelson, and Davy Crockett.

Kinky’s Celebrity Pet Files

Kinky Friedman is not only a man of the people, he’s a man of the animal kingdom.

Kinky is a man who wears many hats not just a Stetson. Aside from being a politico, folksinger, and mystery author, he’s also a longtime animal advocate and feels as passionately about his pets as he does about legislative reform. But rather than simply write about his own experiences, why shouldn’t he include a few friends? Of course, Kinky’s address book is unique, and he’s taken full advantage. In his new collection, Kinky’s Celebrity Pet Files, the Kinkster writes about his famous friends and their pets you’ve never met, each with a story as delightful and offbeat as the author himself.

Kinky has gathered together an eclectic and extraordinary group of talented celebrity pals to talk about the subject nearest and dearest to their hearts: their pets. With candid, personal photos of the stars and their beloved animals and insider stories to match, the book is like a party only Kinky could throw, and the results are both entertaining and endearing. It’s not your average celebrity pet book, because Kinky’s not your average celebrity. He’s got musicians, like Johnny Cash and his pig, Brian Wilson with his dog, and Willie Nelson doing his best horse whisperer impersonation; actors and comedians ranging from Phyllis Diller with Miss Kitty to Richard Pryor on a pygmy pony; and a lineup of writers, politicians, and some heroes of the past Bill Clinton, Joseph Heller, and Mark Twain, to name a few.

Hilarious, oddball, heartwarming, and edgy all at once, Kinky’s Celebrity Pet Files is a book for animal lovers, celebrity junkies, and anyone who just likes a good story. It’s a little weird, it’s completely charming, and it’s 100 percent Kinky.

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